“Alicia, you can’t go forward in life looking in the rear view mirror!”


“Alicia, even if I don’t want to wear make up one day, I know I have to do it for Roe because he’s the one looking at me. And if you don’t want to wear it, you better rethink that, because there will be others that are going to be looking at you and you want to look your best!”

“Alicia, if I don’t like what someone is wearing, I just smile and say nothing at all.”

“Tammy, what do you think of my dress tonight? I wore it in high school. Isn’t it amazing that it still fits?” She responded, “Alicia, can you help me open this car door?”

I laughed. There was my answer!!


All of these pearl essences of divine wisdom were shared with me by the one and only, Goddess Tammy Faye Bakker Messner. I was blessed to work with her on the documentary we made called “Tammy Faye: Death Defying.” Award-winning filmmakers, Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey, the brilliant creators of World of Wonder Productions, Inc. – who made the legendary documentary, “The Eyes of Tammy Faye” – together with Tammy, they conceived of the idea of filming Tammy’s journey through her experience with cancer. Tammy wanted to help other people who were going through a similar challenge. It was brought to life for the WE Network in 2004. Wonderful, talented Chris McKim directed and I produced.

Day after day in Matthews, North Carolina – Chris and I would film Tammy as she set about her various forms of treatments. We did yoga together. We sang songs at her organ. We ate frozen yogurt and chased after her little Yorkies when they ran out of the house. Tammy and Roe listened to old records and danced throughout their home.

When we would drive to locations, Tammy would positively exclaim, “Stop the car! We have to go power shopping!” or “I want to go see my friends at the house.” She directed us right to a group of people living in a nursing home, struggling with AIDS. She would sit with them, hold their hands and talk with them. We would shoot for a little bit, then the crew just waited on the porch, watching the sun start to set until Tammy had finished her visit. There were days when Tammy didn’t feel well enough to film. The next day she would get her strength back, make a pan of her famous fudge and tell us to keep shooting. Goddess bless her heart, but she kept on marching forward.

She would say to me time and again, “Alicia, my grandmother Fitzgerald always said to me, ‘Tammy Faye, we have no pity parties! You put on your bootstraps and you keep on walkin’!’”

Goddess Tammy Faye’s birthday is this coming Saturday, March 7th. If she were alive, she would have been only 73 years young. I miss her dearly. The day my husband Eduardo asked me to marry him, it was the morning I was going to see Tammy during the last days of her illness. Ed and I said at the same time, “Let’s ask Tammy to marry us!”


The ring was antique and needed to be reinforced – so not wanting to risk damaging it traveling, I flew to North Carolina wearing the most gigantic, colorfully brilliant, sparkling, fakest purple ring I could find and said, “Look Tammy, Ed asked me to marry him!” Tammy screamed with excitement! (Tammy loved faux, gigantic jewels!) Immediately we started crying. She loved Ed.

I asked, “Will you come to Los Angeles and marry us?”

“Oh, I would love to! I’ve never performed a wedding! It will be my first!”


Tammy hugged and hugged me, sweet little frail beauty that she was at the time. Then we put on her favorite leopard-print dressing gowns, climbed on top of her bed, her husband Roe ordered us cheese pizza, and we laid there with her little dogs and watched Sandra Dee in “Doctor, You’ve Got to Be Kidding!”

It was the last time I saw her. She went to Heaven just about three weeks later.

Thinking of Tammy, I am reminded – we cannot face life without having the seed of belief and faith.

We cannot experience the journey of transformation without taking the first step.
We cannot know what God has in store for us, so we must march forth.

“Tammy, I am in fear because I don’t have a job right now.”

“Alicia, pray to Jesus. Ask him. Tell him exactly what you want. He is with you, every step of the way…”

Tammy would start praying right there over the phone for me ~ flowers of light and beauty and loveliness came forth from her, flowing over the mobile towers of Los Angeles as I walked down Larchmont Boulevard…tears flowing through me, joy overtaking fear ~ because Tammy shared her faith and made it so!

March is the month of FAITH. Tammy had tremendous faith. She never waivered from it. Even in her darkest moments, she BELIEVED and DECLARED that GOD WAS WITH HER. Jesus, her dearest friend, was always by her side. She new she would be taken care of. She knew she had a higher purpose. She had total belief that God was showing her the way, day after day.


I didn’t set out this morning to write about Tammy. I did set out to write about faith. The faith we all need to help get us through the day. Sometimes, we just need a little burst of LIGHT to encourage us, “March forth, Darling ~ You can do it!”


But I sat here in the sunrise and I could feel Tammy all around me. I wish I could hug her and say, “Gorgeous, THANK YOU! It’s because of you, TAMMY, that I don’t let fear grip me, I just put on my bootstraps and I keep on walking!” We all march forth!





Cloud City ~ A Short Story

“Is this Heaven?”

Cloud11-1“No, dear,” the older woman pulled her glasses to the bridge of her nose and peered at her. “This is Cloud City.”

“Oh.” I looked around. “It looks like all the pictures of Heaven…” I trailed off. Obviously, there weren’t…

“Darling,” she cut off my thoughts, “they don’t let the paparazzi in Heaven, if you know what I mean?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“Too much shenanigans,” she walked a bit forward towards an especially puffy bit and had a seat on it. “Not with the fighting and the yelling and the name calling…always the name calling. As if any star could hear their name clear as day on the step and repeat. They can’t. It’s just too much. Too many cameras and not enough real, intriguing photos, you know what I mean? Who would be the judge about what would be considered art or not?”

“Of course,” I whispered, repeating myself like a pap desperate for a look.


“Now,” she looked at her clipboard. “You sew.” She pulled her glasses down again. “Really? Do real people still do that today?”

“Of course,” I turned to her. She nodded and returned to her clipboard. “You had some success as a rhythmic gymnast.”

“When I was young…ger,” I said.

“Honey,” she pulled her glasses down again to look at me once more. “Young. Younger. Youngish. Age is nothing but a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. You know what I mean? Make sense? Can you feel yourself in the rhythm of the gym? Of the gymnast experience? Can you feel that ribbon swirling all round you over and over again? The adulation of the crowd? The tight leotard? The hair pulled back into oblivion? Can you?”

“Of course,” I nodded. “I remember it well.”

“If you did it then, you do it now.” She returned to her clipboard. “The Red Onion is long gone. Sadly. I always enjoyed those mini-discos they held in their center atriums. So you were what? A waiter there?”

“A server,” I corrected.

“You waited on people?”


“Chips, salsa, veggie burritos, the whole nine yards?”
“Yes, of course, whatever they wanted.”
“Weren’t they wonderful?”
I nodded again then looked around.

“What do we do now?”



“What?” she looked at me. “Here in Cloud City?”
“Well,” she leaned back, crossing her legs and finally pulled her glasses all the way off her face. “There are places to go and people to meet.”
“Really?” I looked around. All I could see where clouds, and more clouds and no one besides this woman.

“What is your name?” I asked. “I don’t think that we actually introduced ourselves.” I put out my hand.

“Clara Storm,” she offered hers.

“Chicky Sange,” I smiled shaking hers.

“I know.” She put her glasses back on her nose. “Now, Chicky, sex is also quite popular at Cloud City.”

“I would imagine it would be.” What else was there to do?

“But even up here, we need to be discreet.”

“I see.”
“Well, you probably don’t see, see,” she looked at me. “In Cloud City, we are fine with whatever you want to do, it’s your business, your life. However…” she stood up. “See that airplane right there?”
I turned. “Yes.”
“They can’t see us, but we can see them.”



“Yes, we have a deal with the FAA. All the windows on airplanes are treated with a special film. When people look out of their airplane seat, all they see are puffy white clouds, when they actually pass over Cloud City. Sometimes, it’s just farm and mountain and what have you. But when they are actually flying over Cloud City, they just see what they think are … you know, clouds.” She took her glasses and gestured with them. “But we’re all here. They are fantasizing about us, about what it would be like to actually live in Cloud City and they don’t even know that we are here, walking around having a fine time.”
“How did you broker that deal?” I asked.

“With the airline pilots association.” She walked a few feet towards an oncoming plane. “Wave to these lost souls. Go on.” She waved. I did too.

“They can feel our essence.” Clara turned to me. “They feel we are here that’s why they are drawn to want to climb right out of that seat and come live here. But we can’t have that. If people actually saw us, it would create unspeakable havoc. So we are invariably invisible to them.”

“And the airline pilots? They live here too?”

“Of course,” she said. “It’s their payback for flying above and beyond for so many years. Imagine being them, day in and day out, seeing, feeling all that goes on in Cloud City and not be able to get out and run free and join the world above the world. Where we are carefree and a-live! You know what I mean? It’s the least they could have.”

“Is Sully Sullenberger here?”
“Not yet,” she said, taking up her clipboard. “But you can bet he will be.”
“I’d like to meet him.” I said. “I enjoyed his book.”
“Yes…well,” she looked at me. “Not yet. All in good time, Chicky.” She tilted her head and looked at me. “Do you prefer to be referred to as ‘Chicky’ going forward or ‘Chilanda’ as is your given name?”
“I was never called ‘Chilanda’ so Chicky is fine.”
“You were named a name you were never called?” asked Clara.

“Yes,” I stood taller. “It happens. Many people are Christened one name and called another.”
“I thought only the preppies did that and that movement was over in the 80’s.”
“It…people still do.” I had many friends with names that were not the formal ones. Who cares anyway? “Clara,” I got stronger. “I’d like to get on to whatever it is I should be doing here.”
“Always the server,” she said, looking at her clipboard.

“I like to stay busy,” I said.

“Well, busy is as busy does, I guess,” she said. “Then you may go to it.”
“Where?” I looked around.
“Cloud City is all yours.” She swept her arm around the surround.

I swallowed. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Where is everyone else?”

“Where you will find them, of course,” said Clara.

I took a deep breath.
“So I’m to make my own amusement?”
“Your own purpose, my dear,” she corrected me.

How am I supposed to find anyone to do anything with?
“I can just start walking and hopefully, run into someone else to make something of…something else?” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence.

“You have to believe, Chicky,” said Clara. “Believe, my dear. The world is your oyster. Cloud City is what you make of it.”

I just might rightly go crazy in Cloud City. I started to panic.

“Don’t.” Clara placed her arm on mine. “Please have some decorum. Pull yourself together and get on with it. We all  – must get on with it!” She threw her arm into the air.

I nodded again. “Very well.”
“Good!” exclaimed Clara. “That’s the spirit!” She leaned into me. “Literally!” She took a deep breath. “Setting people up on Cloud City is always an illuminating experience. Some people are gung ho and others, tails between the legs with fear. But fear is nothing but false evidence appearing real, so there is no sense in storing that up for the winter. You are not a squirrel. You are a BEING. So go, be! Enjoy yourself. There’s lots to see and do and do and see. If you open your eyes. Have fun!”

With that, Clara was gone and I found myself on my own. I took one step forward and began to traverse, the fluffy white substance all around me. Ahead was a castle it seemed, carved right into the atmosphere. I set my eyes and began to live in Cloud City.



Be Your Own Valiant Time!

LoveMeHeartMouse HeartPoofs2 With LOVE and LIGHT and JOY, I wish you a HAPPY VALENTIMES DAY!!

I always say “Valentimes” not because I think like a child or act like a child – or perhaps sometimes I do! – But I think of this day as a ‘time’ when we are in active awareness of the idea of LOVE.

Now yes, it’s See’s and John Kelly Chocolates galore. It’s cards and hugs and flowers – Oh goodness! The flowers my husband Eduardo brought to me yesterday are just DELICIOUS! They are so gorgeous! Our entire home is absolutely divine smelling! We wake up on Valentimes with that loveliness. Just marvelous! THAT’s why you bring home beaucoup des fleurs mes amies!!! – Here’s to zillions of STARGAZERS!!

It is a TIME to celebrate LOVE. To me, EVERY DAY IS VALENTIMES DAY! I celebrate the gorgeousness of love every chance I get. It’s my love for Eduardo. It’s love for my family, my awesome, brilliant and bad-ass nephews who make my world just twirl in imagination and thought. It’s my love for writing and reading fantastic books. It’s my friends who light up my every day. It’s travel, and adventure and the wonderful long walk. Visiting a friend in hospital, smelling roses along the boulevard. It’s the bees in the stamens, it’s a colorful movie and the art of my friends, like Miguel Osuna, watching strangers look deep onto the canvas and wondering what inspired the work. And me, standing along side, listening to their reactions, then I turn and lift my eyes to Miguel with a giant smile of glee as I eat licorice chews and drink Italian mandarin orange soda, happy as a clam.

It’s hearling the nightbirds waking the world at 4:44 am as the angels surround us swirling in the sunrise and the sunset. It’s the ocean, over and over again. LOVE IS ALL. It is INTUITION and your brilliant new IDEA and it’s all of MANIFESTING OUR IDEAS. THAT IS LOVE. When you HONOR your GENIUS, you are having a VALEN TIME. You are VALIANT and FEARLESS and FORTHRIGHT. You are AMAZING!

Today is a time of manifestation of making love a part of your every MOMENT. BE IN LOVE when you act. It will exude from you. BE IN JOY. BE IN PEACE. BE IN PROSPERITY. BE IN GRATITUDE. BE IN FULLFILLMENT. BE IN YOUR OWN MAGICAL, MYSTICAL, VALIANT TIME!

And love, simply love.



More adventure to be discovered in Miss Fancy Pants

God Is My Ice Capades Partner

You Are MagicWhen I walk down the street and see marveilleux messages such as these, I know that I am BLESSED BEYOND! So many thrilling moments happen during each day and how I REACT to them is the MAGIC!

The other morning, I was thinking about God. Goddess. Creatrix. Higher Poweress. However, you may say, feel or think of He, She or It, Bless and Bless! For now, for the sake of visualization, I shall share the thought that God is my Ice Capades Partner!

Whenever I am down, he lifts me up, twirls me, spots me, dips me and dances with me. We are both in GORGEOUS SPANGLY SEQUINS REALNESS and we are TWIRLING and SASHAYING across the ice of our every day. Sometimes it is slippery, sticky, diggy and dirty. Sometimes its as smooth as glass, reflective, shiny and new. We have MUSIC and LIGHTS and MAGIC and we are ice dancing with an AUDIENCE, HELLO! Each time we step into the world, we are greeting our audience, people, so you better WERK that dance!!

I always think ice dancing is magic. How can two people seriously perform those magnificent tricks on sheer ice? How do they fly through the air and turn and spin and carry each other over their heads and fly higher and do crazy mo-fo axels with seamless effortless ease? Can I do that? Yes! I am magic too!

God is doing that with me now. Each day he is my Ice Capades partner! In the past, he was definitely my escapades partner, because I got myself into a few rather fabulous but not always so smart escapades in my life. Oh, the places I have been! Some were amazing, some maybe perhaps, not so. But I learned from each one and I made it through, I am here today to tell you to BELIEVE! GOD HAS YOU!

One my brilliant artistic besties from high school, Angela Hunter Geiss, has an amazing blog showcasing her art – divine and MAJESTIC MANDALAS called the 113 Mandala Journey.

They are literally, MAGIC. When you look into them, you go into an adventure! See how gorgeous they are ~  each one is so unique, colorful and intricate! They look like snowflakes, like ice dreams, like you can escape into them and TRUST with FAITH what will come to you and inspire you as you go into ACCEPTANCE at the ADVENTURE ahead. Allow yourself to VISUALIZE and have a new experience today. Trust that you will be shown a new inspiration and given a new action to share with the world now.

For each time, each moment, we trust we are magic, we are sharing ourselves with the greater world. When we trust God is with us, has us in our dance of each moment, we are lifting ourselves higher than we thought we could fly. When we give ourselves the GIFT OF LOVE, we are honoring the magic inside and saying YES to the PERFORMANCE OF LIFE and making it our own mandala, our own experience, our own gift, our own dance and our own MAGIC to share with the world! Blessed BE!


DECIDE WHAT TO BEThis past Saturday, my husband Eduardo and I enjoyed a lovely breakfast with friends at Zinc in downtown Los Angeles then went to visit the Grand Central Market. I love how it has flourished from when I wrote about it in 1996 for Los Angeles Magazine’s Best of L.A. issue. It was popular at the time, but in a more neighborhoody way. Egg Slut didn’t exist then, so there wasn’t a line going around the bend and all the way down Broadway. Our line at Sarita’s Pupuseria was thankfully shorter, but since they are individually hand-made to order, it probably took as long to finally walk out with them!

Walking in, however, I stopped in the middle of the rainy Broadway as I am want to do. It makes Ed crazy when I do that, but I had to take this photo. The message “DECIDE WHAT TO BE AND GO BE IT” –  I needed to see that. I needed to be reminded. I wanted to share. It is simple. TAKE ACTION.

For years, Nike has told us to just do it. We know that, theoretically, but sometimes fear and whatnot seem to get in the way. Whatnot. It should be called ‘Wantnot” gets in the way. Why? I wonder? Why do we let it? Even I, who can be gripped daily with it during moments of change, I don’t know the answer to that question. But I know how to shake it off and take a deep breath and just say, “That’s false evidence appearing real. You can DO IT!”

I simply go back to my DESIRE. All great inventions of thought and writing start with desire. I have something to say. I have something to create. I want to share myself with another person. I desire to make change. I want my life to be more. Then just do it. Decide what to be and go be it. Take the steps. Make the call. In order to enter the establishment across the street, you have to actually – cross the street – to get there. Go across. Don’t be afraid. Probably best not to stop and take pictures while you’re at it, but I will say that it was a red light…but still. There are those who are not paying attention, who are not looking up and are not in full awareness. Therefore…those of us who are, are going to have to be extra vigilant to watch out for others while we make that stop, take that photo and of course, hug a friend who might be just on the other side, but be watchful at the same time.

I awoke contemplating the desire for manifestation. I published my first book this week. MISS FANCY PANTS is now out in the eWorld. It’s not in paperback yet, but I have a desire to bring it to that form. It takes a certain amount of money that I don’t have at the moment, but I will. It is here; it is coming. It will be and I will manifest that paperback so fast you won’t know what landed at your doorstep. I’ll drop them off at bookstores. I’ll send them to friends across seas. This moment I honor that my desire to make manifest has actually come to FRUITION. It is here MISS FANCY PANTS is here.

I started writing MISS FANCY PANTS in 2001, when I was a drunk, probably truly lonely gal. A friend reading my astrological chart said I needed to practice writing erotica. I went to the library to actually learn what that would look like. Lord child, that was not quite moi…but I could make it funny. I could take sex scenes and maybe spin them in a dreamy, funny way. My first draft had a amusing sex scene that’s no longer in the book because it was dated by the time I got to these last couple of years. I changed it up to something also charming I hope, but it felt more real in its imagination. As my character grew over the years, she became more real, less of a cartoon, so the opening is more of what my character would dream of today, not as she might have in 2001. When she was a drunk hot mess.

The character grows just as I did, in choosing to change my life. I became sober in 2002. I cleared my head and I had the desire to change and make manifest a more vibrant life for myself. I choose to share it with all of you. I am willing to tell my story in person, (the book is fiction – though, it would be fun to have those adventures too!). I speak in front of people. I am happy to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly of it all. And I will also share with you how I made manifest my desire. My desire for CHANGE.

And I have more desires and I have more stories. And I have CLARITY today. I had to DECIDE what to be: a WRITER. An AUTHOR, more precisely. I have written for years. I have been paid to write for magazines like Cooking Light and Los Angeles Times Magazine and various websites the past. I have written on the reality shows I produced. I have several screenplays. But as a PUBLISHED AUTHOR – this is a DESIRE MADE MANIFEST. And…I will do more. This is not all. This is just the beginning. Because I am excited that I have decided WHAT TO BE and I am going and BEING it!

I AM EXCITED! I wake up now and I say:

“I’m deciding what to be and I’m going and being it”

“I know I can accomplish what I dream of, I am doing it now.”

“Whether I think I can or I think I can’t, both are correct, so I KNOW I CAN!”

“I am grateful for my abilities to create what I dream.”

“I am thankful I have a dream.”

“I am grateful for all those who surround me and share their love and support”

“I am thankful for this marvelous new opportunity. Today is a new day!”

In which I can say,

“I make manifest my desire.”

Blessed Be!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! ~ All Will Be Revealed ~

Bonne Année!

I LOVE LOUDLove loud and proud! I love this! I went to look for a photo to share today and just as I opened my iPhoto – this picture of all pictures came up. I (heart) loud! I took it in June of 2014. It revealed itself to me. Or God brought it up, or Goddess did, or the Fates…whoever! Thank you Light Beings! I hear your message loud and clear!

This New Year we should all be loud in our expression of loveliness ~ Gratitude, Sharing, Being. Joyousness, Giving, Understanding and Staying in the Present. I learned this week transitioning from one year to another that, once again, in its right time and place, all will be revealed. I don’t have to rush the Fates or tell them what to do or direct the Angels to their destiny, they got it going on. I’m the one that needs to do my job –  which is to suit up, show up and be UP! Be HAPPY! Be JOYOUS! and Be FREE! and Be a PARTICIPANT, Be ACTIVE, Be GRACEFUL , Be of SERVICE, and Be INSPIRING! and Be LOVE!

Thank YOU for being all that YOU can BE and therefore, lighting the way for all of us to do the same. If we do our part, all will be revealed and the magic that God and our Spirit Guides have in store will be manifest in this Happy Loud Proud New Year 2015! And we’ll see the signs – all around us all the time. Gorgeous indeed! Make it happen, make it loud, make it fabulous and make it now! Blessed Be! xoxo



The Gorgeous Winds of Change are BLOWING! Love this! Happy Happy Day! Hooray!

One of my favorite Christmas cards is a cartoon one… of Mary in the midst of labor in the barn and the bubble reads her yelling, “Jesus H. Christ!” – Alas, The Child receives his name!

The winds of change were blowing mightily in the middle of the night. Now, I am no fundamentalist, but I do love Jesus and I was imagining it was a live play… “This is Mary, giving birth and the screaming winds are her swirling around her magic of delivery!”

LA Christmas 3

Why is it that in Los Angeles do the winds of change only blow so mightily in the middle of the night? I’ve never stood in the center of The Grove or Sunset Boulevard in the light of day and had to walk against the mighty winds like I used to do in New York City…But here in Los Angeles ~ lovely Los Angeles! ~ it seems, the crazy winds only blow at night. Except this morning. They are blowing, breezing, swirling around the city, saying, embrace CHANGE! Change is here, feel it all throughout the city? Even yours if you are not in Los Angeles? I bet there is a breeze across every nation as I write this!

At night, we get to lie awake, listening to windows rattle, trees bend and sway and hear the spells of nature do their magic, clearing of the clouds so that we may have a majestic Christmas Morning in Los Angeles. We always do! We are still in Solstice Week and the Winds of Change are part of this. The Clearing, the movement, the purging, so that we may have a bright, clear Happy New Year!

Today we celebrate Christmas. I have many friends who do not believe in Jesus and that is all groovy and fab, but I am a keen enthusiast of Jesus. The idea of Jesus, Jesus the Man, Jesus the Sprit. Call it my Catholic upbringing, but I am a fan either way. I love all that he stands for ~ the kindness towards ALL, the calling of us to rise above our stationary thinking and get into the POWER of ONESS with GOD. He taught us the ACTION of KARMA and the PEACEfulness of MEDITATION and the BEAUTY of the SPIRIT. In the words of the musical group King Missile, “Jesus Is Way Cool.”

And so today, this glorious Happy Christmas Day, I say, Merry Christmas! Whether you believe in Jesus or not, today is a day to honor kindness, spirit, sacrifice, family, love for one another, joy of living and rebirth of the new. And to be GRATEFUL. Whoever that being is in your life, honor their spirit today. I shall embrace my inner Jesus and just express GRATITUDE AND LOVE! For you, for all for the future. Embrace the Winds of Change. Make them GLORIOUS make it NEW! It is here, we are here, BLESSED BE!! And MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Xoxoox

Solstice of Words

IMG_0927Blessed Be! Happy Winter Solstice! It is the day the sun stands still, the ‘shortest’ day of the year, the true New Year, the beginning of the new celebrations ~ the ‘longest’ night of the year. The time to spend creating new life, celebrating with family and friends and honoring birth and re-birth ~ it is blessed indeed!

I choose to honor the Goddess traditions. And in such, the Winter Solstice is very sacred to us who embrace the power of light and energy and words as manifestation, as magic, as spells as belief and as it is done. Our words are our magic. Words are energy in transition. As we so say it, so shall it BE!

And…I have to say… I am a frivolous goddess at times. I say things I don’t mean to say…the just ‘come out’ – without thinking of the message they send to those who are listening. Yesterday, I flippantly referred to the coffee bar attendant as a ‘ding-a-ling’ for over-microwaving my piece of coffee cake so it became a mound of runny, brown-sugared melty coffeepoundcake mush. Really Alicia? I’m the ding-a-ling for ordering such a thing! What was I thinking?

“…It’s always good to have something in your stomach when you drink a grande of coffee,” I said to my sweet sister-in-law. “Please have some…” I pushed it towards her.

“No, thank you,” she said simply, a real lady.

“Oh… I shouldn’t have called that woman a ‘ding-a-ling,’” I tell her, taking a bite, feeling like merde. Even though I didn’t make the comment to the attendant directly, it was unkind just to toss it off into the atmosphere.  “I’m the ding-a-ling for ordering this…” I give myself the absolution as I took another bite…now I have to finish it all by myself! Two words, my friends: Cray! Cray!

And of course, I felt like shitey for some time. I know better! I was being flippant and unthinking and just saying things that don’t matter and have no purpose or manifestation in the world except to project my unthinkingness. Take the onus of me and point it towards someone else. Shirk the responsibility and hide it in the form of silly meanness!

I made an effort to be much more pausey-be-fore-speaking throughout the rest of the day. I made an effort to exact kindness upon each person I came in contact with thereafter. I made an effort to see Goddess and God in each person I interacted with and in those passing by me – for when I call someone a name, I am saying the same to our Creatrix Being – however you and I understand she, he or it. I was making amends. I was asking for real absolution. Each moment is a teaching moment as many people of awareness like to say. But poof! It is gone and here, everyone, we have a new one! This one is even brighter, more shiny and brand new!

Today, I am in full understanding that Winter Solstice is a time to stand still for the moment and watch the Sun throughout the day. Solstice means the sun stands still. Each moment it is making a new moment happen that we can see clearly because the light is so bright. We can see the good, the bad and the ugly all at once and we can honor the choice to choose differently and heal and turn it all around.

It is the magic of the moment that we honor and it is a lovely exercise in active, aware meditation ~ of creating a spell of love and life and light and manifestation. Of choosing our words to impart our intention and setting that intention into the atmosphere. What are “New Year’s Resolutions” but spells for the coming year! Make them lovely!

This morning, I stepped outside and took this photograph of the bird cloud in the sky. Look how the bird soars and will change in moments as the sun moves. So shall we soar throughout the day making magic and spells and using words that are meaningful and charming and exciting and beautiful and purposeful and brilliant and kind and generous and honorable and considerate. We have the vocabulary. We have the understanding. We have the technology of our brains and mouths and language. Choose and be chosen. And most of all today, BE LOVELY! It’s a holiday after all – A HOLY DAY!

Enjoy and have a blessed Winter Solstice Day in every way! Xoxo

Spirit & Life

Each morning I awake, I read from my 365 Science of Mind, the daily wisdom of Ernest Holmes. When I do it consistently, I am a far better person. I am reminded to trust in the spirit within me and to know that God’s grace fills me, even when I am spinning, if I choose to, I can learn from this experience.


But of course, some days I miss – so today I had to read yesterday’s words and I read them with today’s as well.

The message ~

“There Is A Subtle Power Within Me – The Essence of Spirit” ~

“There is a subtle Power within me, The essence of Spirit. I am sustained, I am guided. I am guarded. I am kept in the way of peace, prosperity, and joy. Every atom of my being is vibrant with life, alive with deathless self-existence. There is something within me today that sings a celestial song, which exalts. This song finds its echo in everything I do, causing the deaf to hear, the blind to see, and awakens the paralysis of fear into life and action.” – December 15th.


The rain falls blessedly again today. I stand at my window feeling the cool air surround my face like a sweet fan of spirit, giving life, making life, sharing existence. The message for today, December 16th, asks that I walk calmly, knowing I am enveloped in the Divine Presence. That Divine Presence guides me, as it does these leaves and flowers. This single tiny spirit growing between hard blocks of cement, between a gutter and a sidewalk, it has found a birthing place. Nothing will stop it, it is filled with the spirit of creation and it grows. It is fearless.

BleuFleurI have absolutely let Fear take the form of paralyzation within me. I have talked my way out of so many brilliant creative opportunities…I shudder to think what I have been thinking. For what have I awoken each day but to Create? And to Manifest? And to Believe? I have spoken the words of an enlightened Goddess, “Walk with me,” I have told many, “I will show you how it’s done.” But do I even walk with myself? Hello? Not! I have watched myself walk away from myself. I may even be eating popcorn as I do it. “Bye, Darling! You go, Girl! You go be brave and badass and brilliant while I sit here and wish I could join you!” I have acted as if in such paralyzation of fear. Ernest Holmes’ words hit me hard today.

When I walk in pure spirit, when I am not thinking so much, I see the magic and beauty around me and I photograph it as I have done with these beautiful leaves and images. But so often I step out of myself and say “I am not a part of this world, the world everyone else lives in, I live somewhere else.”

Now, because I am over 12 years sober as of this writing, many of my community of sober friends will sanction this as alcoholic thinking. And that may be very true, however, there are probably a few out there who may also feel this way that may not have the disease of alcoholism. They may have the disease of sadness, of paralysis of fear, they may have confusion, non-motivation, procrastination or just simply no inspiration. I understand and stand with all of you…

But, I also know only I can make the movement forward. No one is going to do it for me. Only I can choose to have a curious mind. Only I can choose to trust the Spirit and the Life Spirit breaths into me to get a move on. My friend Tammy Faye Bakker Messner used to say to me, “Alicia, my grandmother Fitzgerald said to me, ‘Tammy, we have no pity-parties! We pick up our bootstraps and we keep on walkin’!'” So when I am feeling like I am standing still in the middle of Grand Central Station’s moving crowd of comers and goers, doers and shakers, makers and manifestors, I know I got to bend down, strap them up and get walking! I have the spirit and the life within me. But I have to say YES! to them and welcome them and say I am walking with you! I am doing it and making it and manifesting it and not letting Fear be my guide. My guide is my Spirit and my Spirit is me. Blessed Be on this gorgeous RAINY DAY! YAY! (In Los Angeles, this is very EXCITING!) xo

Goddess Loves A Rainstorm

Fryman Canyon Bench FrymanHikeTricialovesLife GODDESS LOVES A RAINSTORM! Even a quiet, serene hike through a canyon, where only birds playing marco polo between the drops from the sky are our only companions…save for one woman walking her dogs. “Are you gals from California?” asked the lady in the the raincoat to my cousin Tina Curran and myself ~ “Why YES! WE ARE!” Never mind that Tina’s actually only been in the state 17 years… that’s practically ‘from’ these days! We continued our hike in lovely peace, trudging up the hill through the muddy crevices, jumping over the puddlets, striving towards the apex to view the valley before us.

We didn’t  miss an opportunity to stroll in the present to be with the RAIN! IN LOS ANGELES! HELLO!!

Obviously, the rest of the country sifting through snow, says people in Los Angeles can’t handle rain. True, it’s the perfect excuse to stay home, be cozy, write or simply stare out the window at the magic of the sheer fact that rain is, yay!, Falling! But for me, that is exactly what a rainstorm is for ~ to pause, to look, to listen and to SMELL!! Oh, my goodness gracious! The sense and sensemillia that the rains have brought to our courtyard garden! The flowers, the grass, the palm fronds, the cypress, the lavender, the rosemary ~ are all exuding the most glorious scents that I cannot believe are real! This is what Lucy Maud Montgomery must have experienced when she wrote the entire “Anne of Green Gables” series! The rest of the world gets to smell these smells all the time! We live in a desert of scents more often than not here in the West of Hollywood. We used to be able to smell the cilantro jambon pizzas cooking from the stone oven at Spago’s, alas, those scents are long gone too, but not forgotten.

This week we’ve had RAIN, people! And it is awesome! If we believe, it will come. And like the photos I have included herewith, if it comes, we will come. We will take the time to watch, to listen, to feel, to touch the droplets on our fingertips and noses. We will embrace the mist snuggling into the canyon, we will make art with rocks and share how much we love life with all who cross our path as this woman Tricia has done with her offering of the day. Show love – be love – and design love. Use the power of rain to inspire you, to get quiet and get inside your soul. Take a moment to sit on a bench and meditate on the magnificence of nature, to remember, “I am one with nature, and this rain is me, is inside me, cleansing me, fulfilling me, replenishing me, surrounding me, lifting me up and settling me into the earth to grow something new. Create something new. Share something new!’ Push through that topsoil that may be hindering you and sprout bright and boldly into the day, growing stronger and brilliant in every way!

Goddess does indeed love a rainstorm, and to us in Los Angeles it might mean mudslides and other situations that aren’t so welcome, but if you are in a position to be at peace with the rain, take this moment and give thanks. For Earth is replenishing, reworking and revisioning Her position ~ Shifting Her seat and getting ready to birth the new! Let’s honor Her by taking the time to just pause, and be with in the magic ~ Blessed Be for more to come and we will come, to the glorious rain party indeed!