Choice, choices, choose – the DECISIONS we make are each CHOICES. We CHOOSE to take action. Though we sometimes feel like we do things ‘automatically’ – if we are HONEST, we will see that is not so. We chose, perhaps unconsciously, be we still were the ones to INSTIGATE THE ACTION, with our thoughts…oh, our thoughts!
HONESTY IN THOUGHT. There is the concept I think about. I have a spinning mind. It is colorful and clickie, like Wheel of Fortune! I adored the early days of Wheel of Fortune, Chuck Woolery and his fine hair. I loved the hangman puzzle, solving, buying vowels, winning from my living room.
We choose to spin that wheel though, too, don’t we? How it lands, perhaps that is up to the fates, but our reaction to its landing – then, we must contend with that choice too. So many choices, so little to do!
Tammy Faye would say to me, “Alicia, I always use KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid!” I used to scowl. “I don’t like that,” I’d say to myself. I don’t want to be stupid.
But I know that’s not what Tammy meant. She meant don’t over-complicate things. Us geniuses sure like to do that some bigass times. “If I do this, then I can do that, there will be time left over for that, but only if I leave ½ hour early, then we can make that show, but I will miss the end of that, but that’s okay because then we have longer on the back end here…” Oy vey. How we do go on!
The choices I often make, if I am honest with myself, are people-pleasing choices. They may not be the right for me, but I arrogantly think they may be the right one for someone else. I am therefore the giver of opportunity. Therefore, the right one for me to make. It will be better for them, I think. That is thoughtfulness, right? Not always. That is not KISS by the way, that is SELFISHNESS. That is EGO. That is NONSENSE.
When your choice comes from true kindness, true thoughtfulness, then yes – that is so – but when it’s not. Then it’s inner and sometimes outer havoc. We spin.
There are many studied psychological reasons we people-please. Those of us who had bad things happen to us as young ones are notorious for doing it. Alcoholics. Check. Fear of not being liked or appreciated. Okay. But are they honest choices? Motivated by…? Reverse manipulation really. But when it’s truth…right then…we have made the right choice. We feel MOTIVATED by our decision. INSPIRED by our decision. When we help others freely, then that is goodness in action. When we don’t…Hmm…so much for such thought at 8:00am on a Sunday morning. I know it is 8:00am as the bells of St. Victor’s are tolling. Bless the Bells of St. Victor’s!
I’ve just now finished reading The Art of Hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendkar, given to me by my darling friend Kate Henson in Portland. (She is also responsible for my obsession with Crazy Rich Asians and therefore, China Rich Girlfriend, thank you, darling KK!) Don’t you adore a great friend who offers good books?! Hold on to them, they are treasures, the friends and the books!
In this book, there is honest, unconditional love shared by two of the characters. True, connected, deeply rooted, not governed by looks or expectations, but by SPIRIT, the spirit of true love, and two hearts beating as one. One energy, joined forever. Yet choices made out of duty, expectations and tradition change the course of their lives and…so alas, I awake thinking about choice. Why do we honestly do the things we do? Why do we make the choices we do? Will we make our honest choice today or will we do what we think the other wants us to do? How many times have we said, “I didn’t have a choice.” Really?
We must not be lazy about our choices. I turned my car around at 7am on Wishire the other morning. I saw these amazing balls floating in MacArthur Park. I could have just driven by and said how pretty, I wonder what they are? But instead, I got out, looked at them swaying in the sunrise and looked them up. Portraits of Hope – Spheres of MacArthur Park. Made by children and adults in Los Angeles. I learned something. I experienced the miracle of civic art. I chose to stop and look and I got a small miracle!
I am encouraged to be honestly thoughtful today – at least so I don’t have a resentment later on. I may feel slightly guilty – because I’m not people-pleasing – about a choice I make, but I will feel worse about the resentment I will create if I am not honest about the choice I make now. Many of us live with many resentments ~ tiny, big, gigantic, minuscule, sometimes everlasting. But the thought that comes this morning is “Don’t leave before the miracle happens.” We say that in Alcoholics Anonymous, but it is true for every moment we make a choice. If you chose otherwise and not be honest, you might leave before the miracle happens. We may not get to see the tiny miracle that might otherwise change our lives. It may hit the one-million or…we may lose a turn. It may be that we have the tiniest feeling of wondering, what if I had done it that way? I have personally walked-away so many times before the end officially came. I watched a miracle happen right before my eyes, but because I chose to get up and go, I watched it walk right through the room and right out the door. And I just kept walking away. What if I had stayed put? How would it have turned out?
How many times have we done just that, honestly? More than once for me. But today, is a new day. And I have the power to choose. Blessed BE!
Alicia Gargaro-Magaña 