Each morning I awake, I read from my 365 Science of Mind, the daily wisdom of Ernest Holmes. When I do it consistently, I am a far better person. I am reminded to trust in the spirit within me and to know that God’s grace fills me, even when I am spinning, if I choose to, I can learn from this experience.
But of course, some days I miss – so today I had to read yesterday’s words and I read them with today’s as well.
The message ~
“There Is A Subtle Power Within Me – The Essence of Spirit” ~
“There is a subtle Power within me, The essence of Spirit. I am sustained, I am guided. I am guarded. I am kept in the way of peace, prosperity, and joy. Every atom of my being is vibrant with life, alive with deathless self-existence. There is something within me today that sings a celestial song, which exalts. This song finds its echo in everything I do, causing the deaf to hear, the blind to see, and awakens the paralysis of fear into life and action.” – December 15th.
The rain falls blessedly again today. I stand at my window feeling the cool air surround my face like a sweet fan of spirit, giving life, making life, sharing existence. The message for today, December 16th, asks that I walk calmly, knowing I am enveloped in the Divine Presence. That Divine Presence guides me, as it does these leaves and flowers. This single tiny spirit growing between hard blocks of cement, between a gutter and a sidewalk, it has found a birthing place. Nothing will stop it, it is filled with the spirit of creation and it grows. It is fearless.
I have absolutely let Fear take the form of paralyzation within me. I have talked my way out of so many brilliant creative opportunities…I shudder to think what I have been thinking. For what have I awoken each day but to Create? And to Manifest? And to Believe? I have spoken the words of an enlightened Goddess, “Walk with me,” I have told many, “I will show you how it’s done.” But do I even walk with myself? Hello? Not! I have watched myself walk away from myself. I may even be eating popcorn as I do it. “Bye, Darling! You go, Girl! You go be brave and badass and brilliant while I sit here and wish I could join you!” I have acted as if in such paralyzation of fear. Ernest Holmes’ words hit me hard today.
When I walk in pure spirit, when I am not thinking so much, I see the magic and beauty around me and I photograph it as I have done with these beautiful leaves and images. But so often I step out of myself and say “I am not a part of this world, the world everyone else lives in, I live somewhere else.”
Now, because I am over 12 years sober as of this writing, many of my community of sober friends will sanction this as alcoholic thinking. And that may be very true, however, there are probably a few out there who may also feel this way that may not have the disease of alcoholism. They may have the disease of sadness, of paralysis of fear, they may have confusion, non-motivation, procrastination or just simply no inspiration. I understand and stand with all of you…
But, I also know only I can make the movement forward. No one is going to do it for me. Only I can choose to have a curious mind. Only I can choose to trust the Spirit and the Life Spirit breaths into me to get a move on. My friend Tammy Faye Bakker Messner used to say to me, “Alicia, my grandmother Fitzgerald said to me, ‘Tammy, we have no pity-parties! We pick up our bootstraps and we keep on walkin’!'” So when I am feeling like I am standing still in the middle of Grand Central Station’s moving crowd of comers and goers, doers and shakers, makers and manifestors, I know I got to bend down, strap them up and get walking! I have the spirit and the life within me. But I have to say YES! to them and welcome them and say I am walking with you! I am doing it and making it and manifesting it and not letting Fear be my guide. My guide is my Spirit and my Spirit is me. Blessed Be on this gorgeous RAINY DAY! YAY! (In Los Angeles, this is very EXCITING!) xo